It all went up in smoke

Today was quite eventful. I got a call about 2:30 or so, and it was my mother in law, hysterical and I couldn’t understand what she was saying, when she finally choked it out, she said my house just burned down. And boy it sure as hell did. We went out there to be with her and to see the damage.

The firefighters were still there putting out whatever was left of embers. It was a wreck. There is only a single half standing wall left of her home. Thank goodness she was not in the home when it happened, and that she wasn’t near it either. Can’t say much for her beloved Sadie, one of her three basset hounds. She didn’t make it out at all. The firefighters gave her a proper burial after finding her.

She was only a couple short days away from sealing the deal on the sale, I don’t know what will come of that, I mean the people only wanted the property, but hopefully they will still go with the deal. She is full insured so that was a huge lucky break, but still I can’t even fathom, her whole house just poof gone. The next week or so will be spent cleaning up, and sifting through and salvaging what we can. There was a few things we found already. An old jewelry box, that had some things in it, charred, but fixable. Then we found an old kegger, that actually made it, surprisingly enough. So who knows what else we will find.

Anyhoo it’s just all chaos as the moment, so the next couple days will be quiet around here I think.

Look after the place for me..

and no peeing in the corner..
<3

The bird man let me at his photos

And that’s what I came up with. Juts click ‘em to see them full size. You can see his photography here: http://www.imrphoto.com/ Not all of them are his, but the CLG one’s are.

Thanks for the opportunity Birdy.
=)

It sure would feel really wierd

If I didn’t post everyday..

I need help..

You are most welcome for your complete waste of time..

=D

The umbrella girl

stock from stock exchange…

“Don’t sit under an umbrella waiting for it to rain”

The new homestead revealed!

Dialup users turn back now…LOL

My darling Bella and me

Bad pic, but it’s of the master bedroom

Those are the stairs of death.

My cute little shelf nook.

The teensy cooking area

The other side of the kitchen.

The living room.

Another angle of the living room.

Well there ya have it, finally, I got pics of it up. Not the best quality, but eh it works. =)

Washed Away

Stock from Glamorous Acid at Deviant Art

I had fun doin’ somethin’ different with that piece above..

Boldly going nowhere fast

I haven’t written just to write for a long while it seems like now, so tonight, I am just going to do the 30 minute babble exercise.

I am absolutely loving every minute of being in town, and out of the peaceful lonely country I was in before. There is always somewhere to go, someone to see, someone for my kids to have playtime with, just always something. It’s been great. I have been pretty content with myself these days as well.

Though it seems like my depression wants to come back. It’s tried slipping in a few times, yet I fight like a bat outta hell, to get out of it as fast as it peeks it evil head in. I am so scared to go back to the place where I was before, just a few short months ago, I had one of the most frightening “breakdown” I have ever experienced.

I remember waking up one day, after being down in the dumps for what seemed like a month or more, I didn’t keep track. Anyhoo, I woke up one morning, and just couldn’t contain myself for nothing. Barely any sleep may have been a contributing factor, but I broke down. I cried all morning, couldn’t stop for all my might. One moment in particular really broke me. Since I couldn’t stop bawling, Matt was getting worried about me or something, and he told me it’s ok mommy, and that was that. I cried harder. Everything was like a blur for the next few hours, and I could barely function all day, I really thought something was out of my control, and that scared me. It wasn’t anger at all, it was just plain down in the dumps.

It worried me so much I almost called people to talk to someone, I was that scared, but when I got the nerve to call, no one was home. Which was fine by me really, I didn’t want to blubber over the phone to anyone, about what I didn’t know. But the point of all this is, it scared the shit outta me, and I do not want to ever go back there.

I have been trying to keep myself busy, keep myself in a steady mindset, and just distracting myself from everything that I let eat me alive. I don’t feel it is helping anything, because of the times it wants to tear me down, but it is keeping me functioning. I am in a state of mind right now, where I feel fine, everything’s good gravy. I feel so bad for how I was that day, that I have been working on being an even better mom. My kids deserve a happy active mommy, not one who is gunna sit on the couch and feel sorry for herself all day. I am really striving to maintain my mind. I hope it works in the end, in fact, I know it will.

I feel depression is something that is self created. You create it yourself, it is not a chemical imbalance.(not saying all types are not chemically imbalanced) I was watching a tv show the other day where it was saying that if you improved your moods then the chemicals will balance themselves out eventually. The most successful method is therapy and medication together. I think that may work for a lot of people, but I will never go that route unless I have to. If I become a danger or burden so to speak, to myself or my family, then I will do what I have to do to give my best in everything.

G deserves the best I have to offer as well as my kids, and I am going to make damn sure that I do, for the rest of my life. I love them more then anything in this whole world, and I know I can’t give it all, but I will give what I can, and know they are ok with who I am. G is my rock. I sit back now and wonder how I ever thought those bad things about him, he is the most amazing man a woman like me can have. We are stronger in our relationship now more then ever before, I could cry just thinking about him now, same with my kids. I have beautiful children, who mean the world to me, and I hope I never fail them as a mother. I don’t want to fail as a wife, mother, friend, niece, or daughter. I give my best that’s all I can do. What the perception is, I cannot control, but I am ok with that.

I predict that my journey into my life as a mother and wife, will be the hardest things I ever do, even if it’s the most rewarding. Meanwhile, I will keep my head strong, and heart shining. I am full of love, and everyone I know, is in my heart one way or another. May you feel love, even if it’s from a friend, stranger, blog buddy, whatever.

Damn that was all over the place eh?

chow!

Hear the big kitty roar

I am most proud of this piece!

Stock from sxc.com and biorust.com

Can I get a drumroll please…

Here you go folks, the answers to my true or false quiz…

1. I wish my eyes were blue.- TRUE
I have always wanted ice blue eyes, have always thought they were the most awesome of all eyes.

2. My first dog’s name was Nipper.-TRUE
Yup, it was a mixed breed we didn’t have for too long, he literally nipped us too many times for comfort..

3. I lost my virginity when I was 16.-FALSE
I was 15 when I lost it…

4. I hate the smell of all incense.-FALSE
In fact I enjoy most incense I have smelled.

5. I enjoy gardening a great deal.-FALSE
I have a white thumb, not a green one..

6. I cannot roll my tongue like a purrrr.-TRUE
I can’t, every since I pierced it, I can’t do it anymore.

7. My most watched channel is the Sci Fi channel.-FALSE
It is a close tie with Discovery Health or Animal Planet channel.

8. My favorite board game is Scrabble.-TRUE
Yup, I admit it, I was once a scrabble junkie.

9. I want to bungy jump some day.-TRUE
Yeah I do, after I go skydiving at least once.

10. My favorite koolaid flavor is Tropical Punch.-TRUE
Yup, I totally digg the stuff.

11. I do in fact like some country music.-TRUE
Among the masses, I enjoy Steve Warnier, Colin Raye, Brad Paisley, and some more.

12. My first kiss was when I was 12.-FALSE
I was like 10 when the neighbor boy wanted me to be his first kiss.

13. I have a dot tattoo on my right pinkie finger.-FALSE
It is actually on my left pinkie finger.

14. I have a big mole on my thigh.-FALSE
Maybe a couple freckles here and there, but no mole.

15. I have my ears pierced, but hate earrings.-TRUE
They always hurt my ears..

16. I love to watch old war movies.-FALSE
I loathe them, most bore the hell out of me.

17. I have two self harm scars on my wrists.-TRUE
Not even regretting them either.

18. I feel that the troops need to stay in Iraq.-FALSE
Nope, and Sylvia Browne says late this year they will be home..err yeah right.

19. I write more with a pencil then with a pen.-FALSE
My favorite writing tool is the Ballpoint black pen.

20. I wrote three books in 1st grade.-TRUE
I sure did, still have them things too.

Let’s play True or False

I seen a meme like this around, and around, and around, and so I am giving in to it now..

The objective is to name which one’s are true and which one’s are false…The answers will be posted by tomorrow, or the next day, not sure just yet. Ok now let’s get down to business.. Ten are true, and ten are false..

TRUE OR FALSE???

1. I wish my eyes were blue.
2. My first dog’s name was Nipper.
3. I lost my virginity when I was 16.
4. I hate the smell of all incense.
5. I enjoy gardening a great deal.
6. I cannot roll my tongue like a purrrr.
7. My most watched channel is the Sci Fi channel.
8. My favorite board game is Scrabble.
9. I want to bungy jump some day.
10. My favorite koolaid flavor is Tropical Punch.
11. I do in fact like some country music.
12. My first kiss was when I was 12.
13. I have a dot tattoo on my right pinkie finger.
14. I have a big mole on my thigh.
15. I have my ears pierced, but hate earrings.
16. I love to watch old war movies.
17. I have two self harm scars on my wrists.
18. I feel that the troops need to stay in Iraq.
19. I write more with a pencil then with a pen.
20. I wrote three books in 1st grade.

So what do you think? Do you think you really know the Chica?

Prove it…